make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
