i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
