Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize