You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
