And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
