And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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