What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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