I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
