On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh god the rape fog is back!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
