Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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