I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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