My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
birth control should be required to get into college
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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