It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
