I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize