R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
