brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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