NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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