he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
