My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pants are for mortals
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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