I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
