I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
