he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
