i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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