Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
