I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
