How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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