for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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