ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
