How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
