great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
