Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
