ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
