I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were trust falling into bushes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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