I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
