the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
