Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
how does that bad decision feel?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
