I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
