If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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