hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
