Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
