so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
