I forgot how hot balto sounded
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
