I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
