I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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