I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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