Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
