Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
