You made me cry and you don't even care
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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