i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize