Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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