i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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