cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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