just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
