She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
