His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
