We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
