she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
40s are totally the cure
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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