Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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