I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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