Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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