I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
