oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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