She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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