then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
