You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
